Wednesday, 8 March 2017

Hello. I'm Harriet, a 38 year old voice over artist, wife to a gorgeous husband with labradoresque energy and first time mum to a spirited, soon to be two year old girl with really cool hair. I've been wanting to put my thoughts down on paper for a while and share with you my peaks and troughs of parenting, working and wifeing. Finally, last night I had more than four hours sleep (in one block) so during a particularly light voice over session I decided to start writing. It's quite a relief to just start actually. My background is voice over and acting but along the way I've dabbled in stand up, sketch comedy and burlesque. I've had an urge to use my brain and get some creativity going for a while so I thought, why not write? When you're up at 2 in the morning, get it down on paper/screen. Share those stories of woe from the floor of your daughters bedroom. You see, when the stork was distributing little people, I received a beautiful curly haired girl with eyes like sapphires and a smile that lights up a room. She's funny, she's abit of a prat (she likes to put things on her head) and we have just found out that she likes the soundtrack to Saturday Night Fever. When said stork delivered, he also delivered a truly crap sleeper. And I mean unbelievably crap. I've not had a full nights sleep since January 2015, when I was round with child and peeing every two hours.

 When I embarked on motherhood I only had my sister as a point of reference. In my eyes she is a ruddy super mum. Mother of two, just gone back to work. The sort of person that just keeps everything going and the plates all spinning. I hate to tell you as well but she's nice. Not like "nice" but genuinely nice. One of life's goodens. So, that was the role model I had.
When my daughter was baking in the oven I had decided what sort of parent I was going to be. I was going to be a no nonsense, Gina Ford mo fo who was going to take no shit from this baby. My life wasn't going to change. I was still going to have a painted nail and a strong lip. Wear heels, go out and get paralytic on Argentinian Malbec and fall out of taxis my friends had put me in. I was going to have an amazing sex life. Lose all my baby weight and be fitter than I was before I had the baby. Like Michelle Obama arm kind of fit. The sort of fit that posts a sodding handstand on instatwat.
So..... now we're nearly two years on how did that pan out then Harriet ? Hmmm? What's that? The Gina Ford book is in the Surbiton branch of Fara? So what happened, Harriet? You were so irritatingly self assured of the type of mother you were going to be that you actually told people. You laughed in the face of co-sleeping, sling wearing, hippy wankers that Brest fed on demand....
What!? You became a co-sleeping, sling wearing, hippy wanker that breast fed  on demand.Yes. I darn well did. That little girl melted my heart, made a mess of my flute on the way out and took away a large percentage of my grey matter. After the first two days I rang my mother in floods of tears saying, "I'm not coping as well as I thought I would." I was a bit lost. Looking out of the window, stuck on the sofa breastfeeding round the clock. Unable to run out into the great outdoors and go to my third Zumba sesh of the week.
Ya see, in my previous life I had been an avid post it note user, organiser and the kind of person that can get out of a house on time and arrive early to all meetings and appointments. I could just get shit done. I found the first two weeks of motherhood very tough. I felt I was unable to leave my girl to cry for a second. I was there just for her. I was a wee bit out of my comfort zone and control had been taken out of my hands. Thank God for my husband. He was frickin awesome. He cleaned, changed nappies and babygros to the point I had to ask him to stop as I hadn't actually changed anything except bra size, hip size and IQ. And so the journey began. For the first two weeks my girl slept on top of me on top of a feeding pillow. That was probably where the night owl antics all began...

And so I embark on my blogging journey. If you fancy coming along with me you are most welcome. The monitor is on, the spare duvet is at the ready and I'm currently in bed waiting, watching, listening to said monitor. Little one has eaten well, had a good nap after lunch, done a poo and has bombed around the park for two hours. She must be knackered, I mean I'm knackered. You'd think she'd sleep through wouldn't you? Night ni....bugger. Just woken.

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